Big question of 2015

It's not yet the year end, but I can already come up with one word of how I would call my 2015: "AFTERTHOUGHT".

Never in my prev years I ever become so overthinking towards things nor questioning myself so much for every single decision I made, every single thing I did, or every single treatment I made people feel. I might ponder it sometimes, but not taking it this serious. And although I always constantly tried to improve myself, this huge urge to reform is at its very initial. As bad as I could spend most of my times brooding and stupefying, really.

It's amazing how a year have concurrently excessively given me both happiness and sadness; joys and frustations; experiences and regrets; loves and hates; spirit and fatigue; hope and despair; courage and fear; unfolded dreams and mysteries; answers and questions. Uncountable lesson from dazzling 2015, a year I spent most of my time being 21! (I just turned 22 y.o this Oct 20th).

Is it just because I was so exposed to uncertainties, challenges, shockingly new environment and cultures this whole year; or is it because I am now just at the stage facing turmoil of being at my early 20s like most of other people? - a phase to start slowing down and clarifying one's own identity; or both? or even else?

Frustating yet keen to decode, haha!

In these following days, I might be asking some of you to fill in an open questionnaire I'll make about what you think are my nature's disadvantages. Write as many as you can recall! Please just be open and honest, don't worry, I won't be offended at all, and there will be no need to write your name down so I don't know which one is yours.

I really need to figure out what went wrong with me and to reflect back what self-qualities should I embrace myself having.